Is Al-Anon/Alateen right for you?

For over 50 years, Al-Anon (which includes Alateen for younger members) has been offering hope and help to families and friends of alcoholics. It is estimated that each alcoholic affects the lives of at least four other people... alcoholism is truly a family disease. No matter what relationship you have with an alcoholic, whether they are still drinking or not, all who have been affected by someone else’s drinking can find solutions that lead to serenity in the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship.

The following questions can help you decide if Al-Anon or Alateen may be right for you.

Are you troubled by someone’s drinking?

Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. These 20 questions are designed to help you decide whether you need Al-Anon.

Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?
Do you feel if the drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?
Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?
Are plans frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of the drinker?
Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?
Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath?
Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior?
Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
Do you search for hidden alcohol?
Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
Do you feel like a failure because you can’t control the drinking?
Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed most of the time?
Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, Al-Anon may be able to help you.

Did you grow up with a problem drinker?

Alcoholism is a family disease – those of us who have lived with this disease as children sometimes have problems which the Al-Anon program can help us to resolve. These 20 questions are designed to help you decide whether you need Al-Anon Adult Children.

Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?
Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?
Do you fear criticism?
Do you over extend yourself?
Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?
Do you have a need for perfection?
Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?
Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?
Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker in your life?
Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?
Do you isolate yourself from other people?
Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people?
Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?
Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker?
Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and abusive?
Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?
Do you mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?
Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions?
Do you think parental drinking may have affected you?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, Al-Anon Adult Children meetings may be able to help you.

Is someone’s drinking getting to you?

Alateen is for young people whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. The following 20 questions are to help you decide whether Alateen is for you.

Do you have a parent, close friend or relative whose drinking upsets you?
Do you cover up your real feelings by pretending that you don't care?
Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking or what's happening in your home?
Do you stay out of the house as much as possible because you hate it there?
Are you afraid to upset someone or fear it will set off a drinking bout?
Do you feel nobody really loves you or cares what happens to you?
Are you afraid or embarrassed to bring your friends home?
Do you think the drinker's behavior is caused by you, other members of your family, friends, or rotten breaks in life?
Do you make threats such as, "If you don't stop drinking, fighting, I'll run away?"
Do you make promises about behavior, such as, "I'll get better school marks, go to church or keep my room clean" in exchange for a promise that the fighting and drinking will stop?
Do you feel that if your mom or dad loved you, he or she would stop drinking?
Do you ever threaten or actually hurt yourself to scare your parents into saying "I'm sorry," or "I love you?"
Do you believe no one could possibly understand how you feel?
Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
Are mealtimes frequently delayed because of the drinker?
Have you considered calling the police because of the drinker's abusive behavior?
Have you refused dates out of fear or anxiety?
Do you think your problems would be solved if the drinking stopped?
Do you ever treat people (teachers, schoolmates, teammates, etc.) unjustly because you are angry at someone else for drinking too much?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, Alateen may be able to help you.

Detachment

Alcoholism is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else's drinking is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In Al-Anon/Alateen we learn individuals are not responsible for another person's disease or recovery from it.

We let go of our obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves.

In Al-Anon/Alateen We Learn:

not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people;
not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's recovery;
not to do for others what they could do for themselves;
not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink;
not to cover up for anyone's mistakes or misdeeds;
not to create a crisis; and,
not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. It is simply a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person's alcoholism can have upon our lives.

Detachment helps families look at their situations realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions possible.

Al-Anon/Alateen is a worldwide organization that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends of alcoholics whether or not the alcoholic seeks help or even recognizes the existence of a drinking problem. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experiences, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar problems binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a policy of anonymity.

Al-Anon/Alateen is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. Al-Anon Family Groups, which includes Alateen for teenage members, neither express opinions on outside issues nor endorse outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one's own life has been adversely affected by someone else's drinking problem.

You can contact Al-Anon or Alateen in the Austin and surrounding areas by calling the Austin Al-Anon Information Center at 512.441.8591 or in Texas 888.287.2115, you can locate local meeting information by clicking here.